PC-42147: In re Mirror Agreement: Chromatic v Westminster City Council (Equal Decorum & Procedural Reconstruction, 2025)

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SWANK Commentary: “Mirror Agreement, or How to Write Like an Adult”

Filed: 25 October 2025
Reference: PC-42147
Filename: 2025-10-25_SWANK_Core_PC-42147_Westminster_MirrorNBAContactAgreement.pdf
Summary: The Mirror-Court reconstruction of Westminster’s infamous “Contact Agreement,” rewritten to demonstrate how a lawful, humane, and literate public servant might behave.

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I. Purpose of the Mirror

When Westminster produces something so exquisitely ill-conceived that it collapses under its own paperwork, SWANK steps in with the mirror.
This exhibit is not an agreement; it is an education.
Where their version banned handbags, mine bans nonsense.

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II. Tone of the Original

The NBA Contact Agreement reads like the minutes of a medieval inquisition translated by an intern. Its authors appear to have mistaken “child welfare” for “airport security,” and “parental contact” for “a controlled substance.”

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III. The Lawful Correction

The Mirror NBA Agreement restores basic civilisation.
It acknowledges that parents have handbags, children have emotions, and equality law exists.
It invokes the Children Act 1989 and Equality Act 2010 — two documents Westminster appears to cite only when they’ve run out of imagination.

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IV. The Westminster Paradox

No risk identified, yet endless restrictions imposed.
No welfare analysis, yet constant talk of “welfare.”
A bureaucracy so committed to its own reflection that it forgot the children exist on the other side of the glass.

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V. Mirror Court Verdict

The Mirror Court hereby finds that:

1. Westminster’s drafting style constitutes an ongoing assault on syntax and sense.

2. Every child deserves better than Everychild.

3. Procedural theatre does not equal lawful practice.

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VI. Filed for Future Anthropologists

Should some future scholar attempt to understand how twenty-first-century London confused procedure with parenting, this pair of documents — the NBA Contact Agreement and its Mirror — will serve as Exhibit A in bureaucratic farce.

Let us all, therefore, laugh — elegantly, archivally, and on record — at Westminster.

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