“Though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back… she would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.” - Aslan, C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Showing posts with label westminster data protection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label westminster data protection. Show all posts

Because If You're Going To Violate My Rights, At Least Alphabetise the Paperwork


🎩 Subject Access Request: A Formal Demand for Personal Records Under UK GDPR

Date: 13 March 2025

✉️ To:

The Data Protection Team
Westminster City Council
64 Victoria Street
London, SW1E 6QP
Email: dataprotection@westminster.gov.uk

🖋️ Subject:

Subject Access Request – Full Disclosure Under UK GDPR and Data Protection Act 2018

🏛️ Dear Data Protection Team,

I trust this correspondence finds you amid a flourishing garden of properly maintained records and legally compliant filing cabinets.

I am writing — with the appropriate mixture of solemnity and suspicion — to lodge a Subject Access Request under the UK General Data Protection Regulation (UK GDPR) and the Data Protection Act 2018. As you are doubtless aware, these are not aspirational suggestions, but binding statutory instruments.

📜 I. Details for Identification and Retrieval of Records

  • Full Name: Polly Chromatic

  • Date of Birth: 16 January 1980

  • Address: 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London, W2 6PP

(Should further clarification be required, I stand ready — reluctantly — to assist.)

🔎 II. Scope of Request (Comprehensive, Not Curated)

I hereby request, with neither apology nor patience for omissions:

  • All case notes, internal memos, safeguarding records, and reports

  • All emails and correspondence, whether internal or external, in which my name, case, or circumstances are referenced

  • All meeting minutes, safeguarding discussions, team debriefs, and administrative conjecture featuring me

  • Any communications pertaining to or arising from the activities of social workers assigned to my case

NB: I require the full archive. I am not requesting an executive summary or an editorialised novella. Spare me the temptation of complaint escalation.

💾 III. Format of Disclosure

Please provide all materials electronically — unless, of course, Westminster intends to revive the Victorian tradition of parchment and twine.

Should there be any costs associated with fulfilling your statutory duty, kindly advise in advance so I may summon an appropriately melodramatic sigh.

⚖️ IV. Exemptions and Withholdings

If you intend to withhold any records, kindly supply:

  • A detailed written justification

  • Clear legal citations

  • An explanation sufficiently robust to withstand both Ombudsman scrutiny and polite derision

⏳ V. Identification and Response Timeframe

Enclosed is a copy of my passport, for your peace of mind (and so we may dispense with the inevitable delay tactic).

In accordance with UK GDPR, I expect full compliance within one calendar month from the date of receipt.

Please confirm receipt of this request without unnecessary ceremony.

📢 Closing Sentiment

Thank you, in advance, for what I hope will be a rare and dazzling exhibition of procedural competence. I await my data — and perhaps, a fleeting glimpse of Westminster at its best.

Yours, with bureaucratic decorum strained almost to breaking,
Polly


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