🪶 On the Elementary Necessity of Respiratory Precaution: A Civilised Request Addressed to Westminster’s Errant Envoys
Date: 27 June 2024
To: Mr Ernie Wallace
Institution: Westminster Children’s Services
✉️ Dearest Mr Wallace,
Following your most recent visitation—undertaken, I note, with the accompaniment of yet another uncredentialed apparition of unknown statutory provenance—it has become regrettably necessary to inform you that my entire household has now contracted a respiratory infection.
Given the extensive, formally documented respiratory vulnerabilities affecting each member of this family (details of which, I dare presume, repose somewhere within your presumably overburdened filing system), it is now necessary to elevate to formal record the following instruction:
📜 Directive for Immediate Implementation:
All future visitors dispatched by Westminster Children’s Services shall attend our residence only if properly attired in medically suitable face coverings.
🫖 On Matters of Courtesy and Basic Respiratory Etiquette
Permit me to clarify: this is neither an unreasonable imposition nor an eccentric flourish. It is, rather, a foundational expectation of public health decorum—particularly for a department that purports, however unconvincingly, to specialise in safeguarding.
Our lungs are not administrative collateral. Our immune systems are not sacrificial offerings for the rituals of bureaucratic surveillance. You seek entry not merely into a private home, but into a medically sensitive environment—a fact that, were Westminster truly committed to its duties, would hardly require reminder.
🖋️ Conclusion: A Final Word on Standards
I trust—though experience tempers my optimism—that this modest and medically essential request will be honoured henceforth without hesitation.
Should you require any additional clarification, I remain—as always—available in writing, exclusively.
I expect that future interactions will proceed under the assumption that hygiene, like courtesy, is not optional.
Yours,
With unwavering standards and diminishing patience,
Polly