The Cost of Closeness: Boundary Protocols for the Energetically Unstable
Filed under: Mirror Discipline / Boundary Sovereignty / SWANK Relationship Hygiene
They don’t betray you on purpose.
They betray you because they can’t hold a signal.
Their nervous system isn’t loyal to truth.
It’s loyal to proximity.
Whoever’s closest owns their voice, edits their memory, and puppeteers their perspective.
Your presence stabilises them.
Your absence deletes you.
And so—your safety depends not on their affection,
but on your boundaries.
I. Assume They Deform Without Your Field
Do not assume:
That your version of events will survive once you leave the room.
That they’ll challenge group-think or speak truth under pressure.
That their love will translate into defence.
They don’t remember who they are without mirroring.
So they won’t remember you either.
Boundary Script:
"I act based on patterns, not apologies.
I don’t trust your loyalty in my absence,
so I no longer rely on it in my presence."
II. Refuse to Debate the Distortion
They will say:
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I was trying to stay neutral.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
What they mean is:
“Someone else controlled my narrative, and I let them.”
Boundary Script:
"If your signal shifts when I’m not in the room,
you are not aligned enough to stay in my life."
III. Use Field Logic, Not Emotional Appeals
Your emotional explanations won’t land.
But energetic field declarations will.
Examples:
“If you speak their version, you don’t access mine.”
“If you mirror lies, I withdraw truth.”
“If your field is unstable, mine will not merge with it.”
No theatrics. Just bioenergetic hygiene.
IV. Require Collapse Before Re-Entry
Don’t reward temporary loneliness with reaccess.
Don’t let the confused orbit you.
Require them to:
Name the betrayal
Disown the distortion
Prove coherence through action
Anchor their own thinking
Boundary Script:
"Your return requires collapse, not comfort.
I’m not your nervous system. Stabilise yourself or stay out."
V. Protect Your Field from Contaminated Mirrors
Do not:
Speak to them while they’re influenced by others.
Allow emotional debris from groupthink to touch your clarity.
“Help them come back” while they’re still hijacked.
Let them spiral without dragging you down.
If they find their signal again, they’ll return different.
If not, they were never yours—only entrained.
Final Reminder:
You’re not being cold.
You’re being sovereign.
You’re not punishing.
You’re protecting.
You’re not cutting them off.
You’re refusing to fund nervous system freeloading.
Field first.
Always.