“Though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back… she would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.” - Aslan, C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Recently Tried in the Court of Public Opinion

Showing posts with label family court satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family court satire. Show all posts

In the Matter of Procedural Nonsense and the Unauthorised Reinterpretation of Reality



🪞In re: The White Rabbit v. Article 8

Or, The Curious Case of the Mother Who Documented Too Much


Filed: 8 August 2025
Reference: SWANK-WONDERLAND/FAMILYCOURT/FALLDOWN
Filename: 2025-08-08_SWANK_SatiricalDocket_WhiteRabbit_v_Article8.pdf
Summary: A stylised summary of live Family Court events, in which facts are optional, logic is suspended, and motherhood is criminalised by narrative.


I. What Happened

Polly Chromatic, a disabled American mother of four, fell through the floorboards of procedural reality after lawfully reporting safeguarding misuse, discrimination, and civil violations.

She expected justice.
She found:

  • A White Rabbit waving an expired risk assessment last seen in 2022,

  • A Mad Hatter diagnosing ‘non-compliance’ for using words longer than four syllables,

  • And a Red Queen shouting “She never engages!” while sipping tea made from misfiled evidence.

Her real offence?

Too coherent.
Too well-read.
Too unwilling to collapse for their convenience.

So they drafted a hallucination in which sunglasses were drugs, silence was guilt, and literacy was a threat.


II. What This Case Allegedly Concerns

Children allergic to disarray,
A mother with an archive,
And a legal system terrified of a well-written witness statement.

In the absence of risk, they manufactured one.
In the absence of failure, they commissioned a narrative.
And then they whispered:

“Let’s remove the children… just in case she’s right.”


III. Procedural Rules in Wonderland Court

  • Contact is allowed — until it’s loving.

  • Article 8 is acknowledged — then hidden under a procedural teacup.

  • Evidence is required — unless it helps the mother.

  • Psychiatric assessments are ordered — for clarity of mind.

  • Children’s wishes are respected — until they involve home.


IV. Who’s Really on Trial?

  • Not the carers who “lose” children’s devices,

  • Not the social workers who coach trauma,

  • Not the Authority that weaponised safeguarding to silence civil claims.

No. The true defendant is Article 8 — for being annoyingly unambiguous about family life, parental rights, and the illegality of State-sponsored retaliation.


V. SWANK’s Position

Polly Chromatic walked into court with documents.
With proof.
With dates, statutes, and a mirror.

The system blinked.

And when it blinked, it missed:

  • Four children forcibly removed from their asthma-safe home.

  • A safeguarding fiction penned by committee.

  • And the moment the Court stopped acting in the name of children — and started defending its own narrative.

The tea is cold. The masks are slipping.
And Wonderland is now on record.


⚖️ Legal Rights & Archival Footer This Dispatch Has Been Formally Archived by SWANK London Ltd. Every entry is timestamped. Every sentence is jurisdictional. Every structure is protected. This document does not contain confidential family court material. It contains the lawful submissions, filings, and lived experiences of a party to multiple legal proceedings — including civil claims, safeguarding audits, and formal complaints. All references to professionals are strictly in their public roles and relate to conduct already raised in litigation. This is not a breach of privacy. It is the preservation of truth. Protected under Article 10 of the ECHR, Section 12 of the Human Rights Act, and all applicable rights to freedom of expression, legal self-representation, and public interest disclosure. To mimic this format without licence is not homage. It is breach. We do not permit imitation. We preserve it as evidence. This is not a blog. It is a legal-aesthetic instrument. Filed with velvet contempt. Preserved for future litigation. Because evidence deserves elegance, retaliation deserves an archive, and writing is how I survive this pain. Attempts to silence or intimidate this author will be documented and filed in accordance with SWANK protocols. © 2025 SWANK London Ltd. All formatting and structural rights reserved. Use requires express permission or formal licence. Unlicensed mimicry will be cited — as panic, not authorship.