Manifesto of SWANK: Standards & Whinges Against Negligent Kingdoms

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👑 Manifesto of SWANK

Standards & Whinges Against Negligent Kingdoms
“Snobbery in Service of Social Justice.”

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📜 Preamble

We, the founding members of SWANK, do solemnly and silkily declare that we are no longer merely inconvenienced —
we are, quite frankly, appalled.

Appalled by the tyranny of unread emails.
Appalled by the rise of clipboard minimalism masquerading as care.
Appalled by institutional indifference draped in HR-approved soft furnishings.

We are not fatigued by emotion.
We are fatigued by repetition —
of incompetence, of form letters, of “lessons learned” that never seem to graduate past infancy.

We are not here to scream.
We are here to compose — immaculately, incisively, and with the correct indentation, pagination, and enclosures.

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🧾 Our Principles

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1. Standards Are Sacred

We believe in:

• Timely correspondence;

• Coherent policies;

• Functioning portals;

• And an elegant absence of contradiction.

We do not demand perfection.
We demand competence — and, preferably, the courtesy of a semicolon.

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2. Whinges Are a Civic Right

What some deride as "whinging,"
we recognise as calibrated civic engagement.

We do not rant.
We document.
We cite page numbers.
We file in triplicate.
We cc with intent.

We believe in the transformative power of a well-tempered grievance.

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3. Negligent Kingdoms Must Fall (Figuratively, For Now)

We oppose all regimes that:

• Rule by red tape;

• Disappear behind protocol;

• Treat the public as bothersome rather than human.

You shall not be toppled by pitchforks.
You shall be toppled by PDF.

We attach, therefore we are.

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✨ Our Mission

To elevate complaint from burden to art form.
To transform fury into formatting.
To ensure that no citizen is ever again gaslit into submission by a "guidance document" footnoted into oblivion.

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📜 Our Motto

“Snobbery in Service of Social Justice.”

Because love without follow-through is branding.
Because safeguarding without action is PR.
Because sometimes — and indeed, often — the pen is mightier than the ombudsman portal.

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