✉️ Dearest Mr Wallace,

Following your most recent visitation—undertaken, I note, with the accompaniment of yet another uncredentialed apparition of unknown statutory provenance—it has become regrettably necessary to inform you that my entire household has now contracted a respiratory infection.

Given the extensive, formally documented respiratory vulnerabilities affecting each member of this family (details of which, I dare presume, repose somewhere within your presumably overburdened filing system), it is now necessary to elevate to formal record the following instruction:

🫖 On Matters of Courtesy and Basic Respiratory Etiquette

Permit me to clarify: this is neither an unreasonable imposition nor an eccentric flourish. It is, rather, a foundational expectation of public health decorum—particularly for a department that purports, however unconvincingly, to specialise in safeguarding.

Our lungs are not administrative collateral. Our immune systems are not sacrificial offerings for the rituals of bureaucratic surveillance. You seek entry not merely into a private home, but into a medically sensitive environment—a fact that, were Westminster truly committed to its duties, would hardly require reminder.

🖋️ Conclusion: A Final Word on Standards

I trust—though experience tempers my optimism—that this modest and medically essential request will be honoured henceforth without hesitation.

Should you require any additional clarification, I remain—as always—available in writing, exclusively.

I expect that future interactions will proceed under the assumption that hygiene, like courtesy, is not optional.

Yours,
With unwavering standards and diminishing patience,
Polly

🕊️ A Formal Denunciation: Westminster’s Artful Dereliction Disguised as Service

Date: 11 March 2025

To:

The Complaints Team
Westminster City Council – Social Services

Subject: Formal Complaint Against Westminster Social Services – A Catalogue of Failures Dressed in Procedure

Dear Complaints Team,

Please consider this a formal complaint, though I confess that such ceremonies increasingly feel less like genuine exercises in accountability and more like ritualistic theatre — a polite fiction masking a reality where neither "care" nor "service" has much foothold.

My concerns pertain to the conduct of Westminster Social Services, whose interventions have ranged from ineffectual to actively harmful, and whose procedural missteps appear less like isolated incidents and more like symptoms of a system in decline. What follows is not a list of grievances, but rather a taxonomy of dysfunction — for posterity, if not for hope of repair.

I. Failure to Provide Even the Pretence of Support

Despite repeated, documented pleas for practical and lawful assistance, I have received little more than automated indifference. The notion that Westminster Social Services acts as a "support" mechanism has, for all practical purposes, collapsed into farce.

II. Procedural Irregularities Disguised as Administrative Style

Timelines have been missed. Protocols have been ignored. Safeguarding obligations have been performed symbolically, if at all. At best, I have been met with bureaucratic shrugs; at worst, ambushes thinly veiled as standard practice.

III. Miscommunication as Standard Operating Procedure

Accurate, timely information has proven elusive — replaced by evasion, obfuscation, and bureaucratic riddles. I have been forced to reconstruct life-altering decisions from fragments, inferences, and misquoted policy excerpts.

IV. Discrimination, Dismissal, and the Intimate Violence of Inaction

I have been subjected to treatment that I can only characterise as discriminatory, based on disability and racial identity. My needs have been minimised, my objections pathologised, and my distress dismissed — not through overt hostility, but through the quiet violence of studied indifference.

V. Coercion in the Guise of Concern

Every step of my interaction has been clouded by pressure masquerading as support. Compliance has been demanded without clarity, consent expected without comprehension — leaving me to navigate an institutional labyrinth with no map and no advocate.

VI. Dereliction of Duty, Artfully Concealed

The cumulative effect is nothing less than a breach of public duty. That such profound harm could be administered under the banner of child protection is not merely galling — it is a devastating indictment of the system itself.

My family has suffered preventable psychological harm, disruption, and erosion of trust — all while social workers nodded approvingly over clipboards.

Requested Actions (Though They Ought to Be Obvious)

Accordingly, I request:

A comprehensive internal review of my case, with a detailed explanation of decisions made — and not made.
A point-by-point written response to each concern raised herein.
A public commitment to procedural improvement, particularly in communication and safeguarding compliance.
The immediate release of all personal records, notes, and internal correspondence related to my case.

Should these steps not be forthcoming, I will escalate the matter to the Local Government & Social Care Ombudsman, where — one dares hope — basic standards of law and logic might still prevail.

Closing Formalities

Please acknowledge receipt of this complaint and indicate an expected timeframe for substantive reply. Kindly correspond with me exclusively via email, as my tolerance for telephone-based obfuscation has been entirely exhausted.

🎀 Yours, with all the courtesy your office demands — and none of the credulity it expects,

Polly Chromatic

Founder, SWANK – Standards and Whinges Against Negligent Kingdoms
"Because dignified protest is still protest."

Standards & Whinges Against Negligent Kingdoms (SWANK London Ltd.)

Contagion by courtesy call: when safeguarding forgets to safeguard

🪶 On the Elementary Necessity of Respiratory Precaution: A Civilised Request Addressed to Westminster’s Errant Envoys