“Though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back… she would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.” - Aslan, C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Mold-Free Relationship Standards

Mold-Free Relationship Standards

Filed Under: Emotional Hygiene / Boundary Aesthetics / Anti-Fungal Intimacy

Tone Tag: Clinical Romance with Anti-Decay Flair


You are no longer accepting relationships that thrive in moisture, confusion, or the dark.

You require:

  1. Sunlight.
  2. Clarity.
  3. Warmth without rot.
  4. Connection without collapse.

These are your non-negotiables.


1. Emotional Dryness: The Right Kind

Standard: I do not engage in relationships that require me to soak up another person’s instability.

  1. I am not your sponge.
  2. I am not your humidity buffer.
  3. If you cry every time I set a boundary, I’m calling a dehumidifier.


2. Full Ventilation Required

Standard: I only relate in environments where truth circulates freely.

Secrets breed spores.

If I can’t breathe in the relationship, neither should it exist.


3. No Crumb Culture

Standard: If you only show love when I’m starving, it’s not affection — it’s manipulation.

Love must be a meal.

Not a damp corner crust.


4. Structural Integrity Must Be Verified

Standard: If your inner foundation crumbles under pressure, don’t lean on mine.

I do not build homes with people who sweat when asked what they want.


5. Past Mold Must Be Remediated, Not Romanticized

Standard: You don’t get to keep your ex’s toothbrush in your psyche.

If you’re still processing her in my airspace, you’re bringing mildew into my metaphor.


6. Affection Must Come with Accountability

Standard: Soft words do not cancel fungal behavior.

Moist apologies without changed behavior are just emotional mushroom clouds.


7. Air Must Be Clear — No Gaslighting

Standard: If I feel foggy around you, I will not “talk it out.”

I will leave the building and call a psychic health inspector.


8. I Do Not Mistake Moisture for Meaning

Standard: Just because you make me cry doesn’t mean it’s deep.

Some feelings are drainage — not destiny.


9. Emotional Clarity Over Chemical Romance

Standard: If the only high I get from you comes with a comedown, it’s not love.

It’s neurochemical sabotage with a soundtrack.


10. I Am Not A Host. I Am A Human.

Standard: No one feeds off me again.

If you cannot bring your own nutrients to the relationship, you cannot enter mine.


SWANK Seal of Acceptance:

I am certified mold-free.

I smell like eucalyptus and sovereignty.

If your love wilts in sunlight, it was never love — just lichen in disguise.

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