SWANK Statement No. 021: Deliberate Misunderstanding Is Abuse

SWANK Statement No. 021: Deliberate Misunderstanding Is Abuse

Let us be unmistakably clear:

Deliberate misunderstanding is a form of abuse.

It is not ignorance. It is not confusion.

It is a tactic.

When a professional, authority figure, or partner refuses to understand you—despite clear explanations, written documentation, or repeated attempts—you are not being “difficult.”

You are being targeted.

The Mechanics of Deliberate Misunderstanding:

1. They interrupt instead of listen.
2. They reframe your words into something more convenient.
3. They claim your tone is the problem, not their failure to comprehend.
4. They pathologise your clarity.
5. They “forget” key facts you’ve already stated in writing.
6. They pretend you never said it at all.

This is not poor communication.

This is power preservation disguised as incompetence.

Why It’s Abuse:

Because it makes you question yourself.

Because it forces you to repeat yourself.

Because it silences truth through exhaustion.

Because it punishes clarity and rewards submission.

Because it isolates you from the possibility of being heard.

SWANK Diagnostic Principle:

If someone consistently “misunderstands” only your side of the story,

they are not confused. They are complicit.

What We Do Instead:

We stop explaining.

We start documenting.

We file complaints.

We quote ourselves.

We cc managers.

We build timelines.

We trust our memory more than their performance.

Because we are not here to educate those who benefit from staying confused.

We are here to make sure the record shows we were never unclear.