“Though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back… she would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.” - Aslan, C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

If You Won’t Read, Don’t Expect Me to Speak.

 🖋 SWANK Dispatch | 15 December 2024

I’M NOT AVOIDING YOU. I’M AVOIDING COLLAPSE.

Filed From: Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
Author: Polly Chromatic

Filed Under: Vocal Disability, Email Neglect, Sewer Gas Illness, Communication Breakdown, Silent Collapse, Relational Fatigue, Misunderstood Accommodation

To: Kirsty Hornal
CC: Laura Savage, Simon O’Meara
Bcc: Those who read with care

Let me rephrase this for the bureaucratic imagination:
When I don’t speak, it’s not avoidance. It’s exhaustion.
When I don’t respond, it’s not neglect. It’s survival.

💬 DIRECT QUOTES FOR YOUR RECORD:

“It’s always been hard for me to talk due to asthma but recently my asthma is worse due to sewer gas poisoning and now I can barely talk and it’s getting worse because people keep trying to make me talk and won’t read my emails.”
“Calls are so hard for me for many reasons but mainly the talking issue.”
“I’m traumatised by people emailing me and then abandoning me like Simon and the psychiatrist did.”
“I’m afraid to read emails from people who haven’t read any of mine.”
“It’s evil.”

“I lose my voice after five minutes unless there’s a lot of gaps.”
“It’s exhausting and causes pain. My breathing decreases. Then I can’t talk to my kids.”

🧠 WHAT THIS MEANS:

  • I speak in writing because speaking aloud harms me.

  • I rest before and after any vocal interaction.

  • I have telepathic preferences, but for now, email will suffice.

  • I ask to be read, not judged.

  • I ask to be understood, not pathologised.

🗂️ AND YET:

The system escalates because I can’t talk.
The people I ask for help ignore my writing.
The ones who listen don’t act.
The ones who act don’t understand.

So the cycle feeds itself—until my voice breaks and my lungs give up.

📎 LET THIS BE PERMANENTLY FILED:

I am happy to communicate.
I am not able to perform communication on demand.
If you won’t read what I’ve written, you forfeit the right to ask why I’m silent.

Polly Chromatic
Documented. Disabled. Disillusioned by neglect.
📍 Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
🌐 www.swankarchive.com

Labels: Kirsty Hornal, email refusal, speech disability, sewer gas injury, asthma collapse, ignored communication, telepathic humour, Simon O’Meara, Laura Savage, vocal rest, institutional neglect, snobby, read-before-you-ask, breathing not speaking, parental priority

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Stop Emailing Me If You’re Going to Ignore Me for a Year.

 🖋 SWANK Dispatch | 9 January 2025

YOU DIDN’T SHOW UP. AND STILL, I’M CALLED NON-COMPLIANT.

Filed From: Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
Author: Polly Chromatic

Filed Under: No-Show Social Work, Bureaucratic Double Standards, Birthday Surveillance, Ignored Emails, Disabled Boundaries, Email Theatre, Institutional Disinterest

📨 Sent To:
Laura Savage, Kirsty Hornal, Dr Philip Reid, Simon O’Meara, and any other inbox watching silently for a misstep—

Let the record reflect:
The social worker didn’t show up.
I was home. Ill. Documented. Available.
And once again, I was harassed for not responding—
by the very people who ignored me for an entire year.

🕯️ WHAT I SAID:

“Social worker didn’t show up today.”
“I’m tired of being bothered while I’m sick.”
“I’m not responding to emails since no one responded to mine for a full year.”
“We won’t be home on my birthday.”

🧾 THE TRANSLATION FOR THE RECORD:

  • Disregarding my emails for a year = normal

  • Not answering yours while I’m sick = non-engagement

  • Social worker failure to attend = forgotten

  • Mother asserting boundaries = non-cooperative

You’re not monitoring risk. You’re manufacturing it.

🎂 BIRTHDAY NOTICE:

We won’t be home.
Because being surveilled on your birthday is not a rite of passage.
It’s state harassment wrapped in scheduled visitation.

🔁 SYSTEMIC PATTERN:

They ignore.
Then accuse.
Then reframe your boundary as instability.
Then pretend not to understand.

Polly Chromatic
Documented. Misunderstood on purpose.
📍 Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
🌐 www.swankarchive.com

Labels: Kirsty Hornal, Laura Savage, no-show social work, ignored mother, birthday boundary, email retaliation, surveillance refusal, institutional non-response, snobby, medical fatigue, chronic disregard, mislabelled non-compliance, sovereignty asserted, Flat 22

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When You Refuse to Read, You Lose the Right to Ask.

 🖋 SWANK Dispatch | 9 January 2025

I’VE ALREADY EXPLAINED EVERYTHING. I’M WRITING BOOKS NOW.

Filed From: Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
Author: Polly Chromatic

Filed Under: Repetitive Inquiries, Refusal to Exit, Literary Sovereignty, Email Theatre, Chronic Harassment, Wasted Bureaucracy

To Kirsty, Sarah, Samira, Eric, Rhiannon, Glen, Milena, Rachel, and the rest of the SW Parade—

I’ve explained it.
I’ve re-explained it.
Then I formatted it.
Then I filed it.
Then I wrote a book about it.

If you still don’t understand, that’s not my fault.
That’s institutional illiteracy.

📩 WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID:

“I’ve already explained everything in all the emails.”
“I’m tired of talking about the same things over and over.”
“Social services and the police can stay stuck in the past as much as they want—without my input.”
“My kids and I have better things to do.”
“I’ve been harassed for a long time while I’ve been very sick and it’s getting old.”

📖 AND THEN, I SENT THEM A BOOK EXCERPT:

“Everything in the universe shares a common purpose of expansion.”
“Some humans think they are more important than others and justify immoral actions based on mentally ill thinking.”
“Power is greatest when the universe supports your actions.”
“Selfish behaviour is a shortcut to success that ends in loss.”
“What we need now is the courage to be authentic, self-love to maintain health, and the intelligence of awareness.”

✍️ — Noelle (aka Polly Chromatic)

🔁 WHAT THIS IS:

An archive of endless harassment loops
Dressed up as concern
Delivered via group email
CC’d to every professional
Demanding emotional labour from the disabled
For “concerns” they won’t name
While ignoring everything we’ve already said.

🧠 LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU:

You don’t need another meeting.
You need to read the record.
You don’t want a conversation.
You want a confession.
You don’t know what you’re doing.
And I’m done making it make sense for you.

Polly Chromatic
Author, mother, historian of bureaucratic harassment
📍 Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
🌐 www.swankarchive.com

Labels: snobby, email exhaustion, social services loop, repeated inquiries, bureaucratic bullying, disabled sovereignty, author refusal, Polly Chromatic, chronic harassment, forced re-explaining, reading comprehension failure, paperwork resistance

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This Isn’t Non-Compliance. It’s Medical Collapse.

 🖋 SWANK Dispatch | 12 January 2025

YOU DON’T SEE THE ILLNESS, SO YOU IGNORE THE EXHAUSTION.

Filed From: Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
Author: Polly Chromatic

Filed Under: Muscle Dysphonia, Eosinophilic Asthma, Panic Collapse, Silent Disability, Judicial Trauma, Vocal Rest Ignored, Institutional Blame

📩 Circulated to:
Glen, Kirsty, Sarah, Eric, Rhiannon, Fiona, Rachel, Milena, Samira, Gideon, Dr Reid, lawyers, educators, clinicians, ministers, and medical offices—
because I’m done being silent just to be called uncooperative.

🩺 THE BODY THAT’S BEEN EXPLAINED A HUNDRED TIMES:

“I’m really struggling with my muscle dysphonia, eosinophilic asthma, and panic attacks.”
“Sometimes I lose the ability to speak. Recovery takes days.”
“Court, stress, and misunderstanding create collapse.”
“I’m on strict vocal rest. Not emotional withdrawal.”
“You don’t see it, so you treat it like defiance.”

🧠 THIS IS WHAT INVISIBLE ILLNESS FEELS LIKE:

  • Exhaustion that shuts down your lungs

  • Talking that inflames your throat

  • Panic so intense you forget your own name

  • Hostility that lingers in your chest

  • Courtrooms that might as well be suffocation chambers

And still—
They ask for a phone call.
They ask why you’re not “engaging.”
They say it “doesn’t make sense.”

📣 THE LOUD SILENCE OF A DISABLED MOTHER:

This isn’t non-compliance.
It’s not mental illness.
It’s not refusal.
It’s survival.

You ask me to speak.
But when I do, you don’t read it.
You ask me to clarify.
But when I do, you escalate it.
You ask me to heal.
But you make me sicker.

💌 WHAT I SAID TO YOU ALL:

“The hostility or blame from others only makes everything worse.”

“It’s pointless to push myself to communicate with people who don’t understand.”

🛑 CONCLUSION:

You’re not here to listen.
You’re here to provoke collapse and then call it “evidence.”

Let the record reflect:
I did explain. You chose not to hear me.

Polly Chromatic
Silenced by biology. Blamed by bureaucracy. Seen by the archive.
📍 Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
🌐 www.swankarchive.com

Labels: Kirsty Hornal, Glen Peache, muscle dysphonia, eosinophilic asthma, panic exhaustion, invisible disability, systemic neglect, non-verbal communication, trauma recovery, hostile procedures, court aftermath, silent collapse, medical abuse, vocal rest retaliation

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When You Demand Speech from a Disabled Woman, You Are Not Acting in Good Faith.

 🖋 SWANK Dispatch | 12 January 2025

THIS ISN’T NON-COMPLIANCE. IT’S A BREATHLESS MEDICAL REALITY.

Filed From: Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
Author: Polly Chromatic

Filed Under: Muscle Dysphonia, Eosinophilic Asthma, Vocal Rest Refusal, Invisible Illness Misunderstanding, SW Misconduct, Disregard for Medical Boundaries

Dear Glen (and your attending choir of spectators),

The following was sent to every institutional actor involved in this farce: Glen, Sarah, Eric, Kirsty, Rhiannon, Fiona, Rachel, Milena, Samira, Gideon, Dr Reid, the schools, the lawyers, the Home Office, and mental health services.

Why?
Because I’m tired of being told I’m “not engaging” when I am, in fact, trying to survive.

💬 WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID:

“I'm really struggling with my muscle dysphonia, eosinophilic asthma, and panic attacks.”
“Stressful situations—like court and hostile behaviour—make it almost impossible to communicate.”
“I need strict vocal rest.”
“These are invisible conditions. You don’t take them seriously.”

I spoke without speaking.
And still, no one listened.

🩺 DIAGNOSED, DOCUMENTED, IGNORED:

  • Muscle tension dysphonia

  • Eosinophilic asthma

  • Panic disorder

  • Post-exertional fatigue

  • Autonomic dysregulation

But in the language of social work?
If I don’t speak, I’m “refusing.”
If I do speak, I’m “resistant.”
If I get sick from the effort, I’m “choosing not to engage.”

🧠 REFRAME THIS:

This isn’t “communication breakdown.”
It’s communication abuse—when systems refuse to believe the limits of disabled people, then weaponise those limits as evidence against them.

I’ve stated my needs repeatedly.
Your refusal to accommodate them is not a misunderstanding.
It’s intentional negligence.

📎 FILE UNDER:

  • You are not confused.

  • You are creating confusion.

  • You are not traumatised.

  • You are causing trauma.

  • You are not caretakers.

  • You are captors.

Polly Chromatic
Ill. Documented. Unapologetic.
📍 Flat 22, 2 Periwinkle Gardens, London W2
🌐 www.swankarchive.com

Labels: snobby, Glen Peache, medical disregard, vocal rest boundary, asthma collapse, disability communication, panic disorder ignored, hidden illness, procedural cruelty, invisible conditions, hostile bureaucracy, court retaliation, silence as resistance

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Documented Obsessions